I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
