She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
FUCK WHALES
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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