If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
