so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
