My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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