When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
