we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
