Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
