The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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