My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
