i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize