I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
