So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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