Yo dont text me then not text me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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