he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
