i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
