i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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