I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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