I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
