Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
