I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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