I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
