you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
