508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
