Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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