3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I believe in your delicious
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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