I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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