i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
