mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
