I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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