Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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