I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
