Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
