last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
