Soap is not a condiment
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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