mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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