Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
