dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
