I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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