well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
honey bunches of taint.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
