Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
