I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
