She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
