there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
