oh god the rape fog is back!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.