the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.