The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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