There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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