They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
