Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
