Umm I'm too high to move.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
