Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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