Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
