I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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