I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
