Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
