please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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