He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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