By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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