around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
