i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
